`PHANTOM MENACE' PLOT BORROWED FROM VALLEY.

Byline: JANE ROBISON

OHMIGOSH, ``Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace,'' is an allegory about Valley self-determination.

Good vs. Evil.

The demise of democracy.

A shadowy, nefarious figure with a crooked smile who controls everything behind the scenes and sets people against each other, a k a Ron Deaton, the Los Angeles City Council's chief legislative analyst.

From the second the story unfolds in bold, galactic headlines, it's clear George Lucas is using all his force to promote the secession study and Valley cityhood.

I get goose bumps just thinking about his homage to the good people of the Valley fighting the dark and evil overlords of Downtown Los Angeles.

Lucas obviously has captured a brilliant foreshadowing of how the planet will go to Tatooine in a handbasket if Valley residents don't get their fair share.

Except for the waterfalls, planet Naboo is so the San Fernando Valley, idyllic and Edenlike before the jackbooted droids force Valley residents to pay a $13 brush clearance fee and turn it back into a desert.

Lucas' vision brought tears to my eyes as I dreamed of a restored Van Nuys City Hall. Using Italian marble and a Bellagio Hotel facade, the municipal building could be a palace for the ultimate Val gal, Queen Amidala, who rules planet Naboo.

I don't think I was reading too much into the plot when I deciphered that the greedy Trade Federation is really ``The City Council Lost in Space.''

The subtext of the movie is a history of the council ravaging and marauding the Valley.

Having done nothing to build a healthy economic infrastructure, the Trade Federation seems intent on siphoning money from Naboo to build planet Coruscant, a visually toxic, nonstop high-rise with no parking spaces, no landscaping and no night life.

Hello. Downtown Los Angeles in the next millennium.

It's clear from the movie that Lucas is trying to get the message out to the world: The peaceful yet spunky and resourceful people of the San Fernando Valley are the only ones who can save the planet.

I think it's just as apparent what Lucas is telling the Valley: Start dressing like Jedi warriors and carrying lightsabers if you want the City Council to take you seriously.

But there are dark and sinister forces at work.

Enter Darth Sidious, no doubt ``The Phantom Menace.''

Sidious is a shadowy controller of the universe who appears out of nowhere and likes to whisper in people's ears.

Without giving away the plot, I feel it my duty to rip the hood off Darth Sidious. I believe he is based on L.A.'s very own Doctor Evil, Ron Deaton, the real-life character who calls the shots at City Hall and pits Valley council members against each other.

The two characters share too many traits to discount the very real possibility that, in fact, Deaton played himself in the movie.

Naturally, evil travels in pairs. And the evil sidekick to Darth Sidious is his apprentice, Darth Maul, a character who paints his face to look like Mattel's Hot Wheels and who is unleashed on the world to destroy the Valley, er Naboo.

Hmmmm. A clone with a hate complex and a penchant for details who is controlled by Darth Deaton?

Who could it be? Who could it be?

We'll probably have to wait for the next episode, due out in 2002, about the time of the cityhood election, if there is one, to find out.

In the meantime, the council, and in particular, Councilman Mike ``The Mauler'' Feuer, is furious over rumors that Lucas' epic saga is helping finance the Valley secession movement, which is why Feuer is so intent on getting contributor records of Valley VOTE.

If they find Lucas' name on the list, hide your Wookie. The dark side of the Force will not be pleased.