`LAKE PLACID': JUST CALL IT CROC SCHLOCK.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

You get the feeling from watching the unbalanced comic-thriller ``Lake Placid'' that writer David E. Kelley was watching the Discovery Channel one night, came across some freakish shot of a crocodile eating an elephant and cried, ``Eureka! I have a movie!''

While ``Lake Placid'' has some of the oddball wit found in Kelley creations such as ``Ally McBeal'' and ``Picket Fences,'' the movie feels remarkably undeveloped, as if Kelley tossed it off between episodes of his various TV projects. It runs out of gas well before the end, which is not a good thing considering the film's scant 82-minute running time.

``Lake Placid'' works hard to achieve a campy, B-movie quality, but its tone veers all over the map. It's not really scary, although its plot revolves around the adventures of a 30-foot crocodile. It's not really funny, although it's hard to take any movie about an Asian crocodile swimming the waters of Maine very seriously.

And it's not really for fans of ``Ally McBeal,'' although its neurotic heroine (Bridget Fonda) walks and talks just like Ally. (Fonda was also the first choice for the TV role.)

That leaves us with an occasionally charming mishmash that proves instantly forgettable the moment you leave the theater. It inhabits its only special summer genre sub-category: croc schlock.

The plot is standard creature fare: Giant beastie goes berserk and a team of experts rush in to save the day. The team includes a big-city paleontologist (Fonda), a folksy fish and game warden (Bill Pullman) and an unconventional crocodile expert (Oliver Platt) who exalts reptiles to a godlike status.

As they argue and track the crocodile (and argue some more), this group runs into an eccentric local, Mrs. Bickerman (Betty White), not given toward cooperation. (And for good reason.) Fans of White may be shocked by her performance since Mrs. Bickerman's colorful vocabulary stops just short of Jack Nicholson's blue streak in ``The Last Detail.'' She does, however, have most of the movie's best bits.

Director Steve Miner (``Halloween: H20'') clearly loves ``Jaws'' (as does composer John Ottoman, given his many references to John Williams' classic score), but he displays surprisingly little skill when it comes to delivering thrills and chills.

``Lake Placid,'' despite what the commercials say, isn't a nail-biter - unless you're frightened of Dr. Evil in ``Austin Powers.''

THE FACTS

The film: ``Lake Placid'' (R; language, violent creature attacks and related gore).

The stars: Bridget Fonda, Bill Pullman, Oliver Platt, Betty White, Brendan Gleeson.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Steve Miner. Screenplay by David E. Kelley. Released by 20th Century Fox.

Running time: One hour, 22 minutes.

Playing: Citywide.

Our rating: Two stars.

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Photo

Photo: A monstrous 30-foot crocodile lunges at Brendan Gleeson in a scene from ``Lake Placid.''