`L.A. CONFIDENTIAL'; IT'S AWASH WITH TENDER FEELINGS, VIRILE PERFORMERS, COVER-UPS, MULTIPLE AFFAIRS AND CATTLE - AND THEN IT GETS SLEAZY.

Byline: Amy Dawes Daily News Film Writer

You've heard this line of bunco before - how this new movie, ``L.A. Confidential,'' is the real McCoy, a primo slice of scintillating cinema, packed with high style, tough cops, loose dames and punches that really connect.

You've heard how it was cooked up by a couple of sly pretenders, Curtis Hanson and Brian Helgeland, as partners on the script, who stole most of it from a book by L.A. crime scribe James Ellroy, and how that loony character made most of it up in the first place.

As per usual, the press has gone beserkus, ganging up to dump accolades on this thing and exploit the hunger of the average working person for anything remotely watchable.

So the way we see it, the official story is a moldy oldie. With the help of hot police lights, Venetian blinds, relentless questioning and invasive tactics too shocking to reveal, the Daily News has persuaded the guilty parties on this picture to come clean with the stuff you really want to know.

FILMMAKER SET TRAP TO LURE GULLIBLE STARS

Kim Basinger plays a Veronica Lake look-alike hooker whom director and co-writer Curtis Hanson describes as ``the emotional center of the movie.'' The Georgia-born actress, whose credits include ``9-1/2 Weeks'' and ``Batman,'' described the determined filmmaker's tactics. ``He lured each of his victims into the Formosa Cafe,'' said the sultry blonde, describing a gin joint and noodle house that's operated in the heart of Hollywood since before the freeways were built. ``I remember I got there early. I drove around the parking lot trying to decide which space to pull into. Each space was named after a famous actor. I changed my mind two or three times. I finally settled on Spencer Tracy.'' Why? She can't explain it, except that she admires him as an actor.

``I walked into the place and the walls were covered with pictures of movie stars. It was about 3 in the afternoon, and there wasn't a soul there. No energy in the room. I sat down with Curtis. He started pulling out pictures from the '50s, and talking about how he was going to shoot things, and what the story was really about.''

``I felt flushed and strange,'' said Basinger, who couldn't remember whether she had kept a close eye on her drink. ``I thought, `My God, what is this vote of confidence that is coming from across the table?' ''

``He said right away, `You are Lynn Bracken (the character in the movie).'' There was no dancing around, no talking behind your back.''

The next thing she knew, the movie was in the can, and the dreamlike experience continued. ``I couldn't believe it when they called and said we were going to the Cannes Film Festival,'' she said. ``I said, `What does that mean? Do I have to have a dress?' ''

The international audience went mad for ``L.A. Confidential.'' ``Cannes is like this big dream, with red carpet and so many flashbulbs, and you can't get over these people, the way they love the movies,'' said Basinger. ``It's like slow motion, with the sound turned off in your head, and you watch these mouths, calling your name ...''

But thinking back to quieter moments on the set, Basinger recalls that those love scenes with handsome co-star Russell Crowe were remarkably easy to perform.

TENDER FEELINGS REVEALED

``As Russell puts it, we dance well together,'' said the otherwise evasive star, who's married to barrel-chested actor Alec Baldwin. ``With Russell, the chemistry is just there. We had a real routine together, instantly. Our timing is very much the same.''

VIRILE CO-STAR SMITTEN

``Kim is the sort of woman who just naturally brings out the romantic and chivalrous side of men,'' said Crowe. ``I was always looking for puddles in her way so that I'd be the first to lay down my cloak.''

Once you got him started, Crowe waxed poetic.

``She is a strong woman, she has a strong relationship, and she has one of the most beautiful, uh, babies, I've ever seen.''

SECRET LIFE AS CATTLE RANCHER

Despite Crowe's charms, girls with their eye on this manly up-and-comer might want to think again. Could you handle a life far from the bright lights and modern conveniences?

``I live 7-1/2 hours northwest of Sydney in the bush,'' says the 33-year-old, who claims that his great uncle, a New Zealander, ``was at the forefront of the development of Merino wool.''

``I've got 48 cows, two horses, three dogs and five chickens. I haven't got a lot of savings, so when I'm home, we tend to focus on getting things done that we can accomplish with sweat rather than cash. Like redoing the cattle yards.''

MASSIVE ON-SET COVER-UP FRUSTRATES GROUNDBREAKING NEWSMAN

Perhaps the most compelling reason to see ``L.A. Confidential'' is that it spotlights the exciting early days of tabloid journalism. But Danny DeVito, who portrays the fictional Sid Hudgeons, a pioneer in the trade, insists the pickings were slim.

``Whoever was engaged in prime `sinuendo' was keeping it a big secret from Sid, 'cause they knew it would wind up in the pages of Hush-Hush magazine,'' said DeVito, whose portrayal of the brilliant smut-monger was loosely inspired by the antics of Robert Harrison, editor of the era's Confidential magazine.

DeVito had this to say about the awe-inspiring Sid: ``He's like a guy who's discovered ice cream, knows everyone's gonna want it, knows he can deliver it, and gets up every morning with a kind of glee, thinking about what stories he's gonna pursue, or in some cases, conjure up.''

DeVito did reveal an instance of shocking brutality from a certain well-muscled co-star. ``Russell Crowe busted my spleen when he hit me in the stomach!'' DeVito swears, referring to a scene in the movie when Crowe's cop goes after his character.

ACTOR LEADS RECKLESS DOUBLE LIFE!

Then there's newcomer Guy Pearce. He may have convinced us in ``L.A. Confidential'' that he's the Dudley Do-Right of the LAPD, but in real life, this young man, with his stubble beard, leather jacket and motorcycle boots, is no Ed Exley! Not only is he an Australian (last seen in the hit ``Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert'') who smoothly passes himself off as American here, but he's a rock 'n' roller and reckless driver besides. ``I get pulled over all the time by cops for speeding and stuff,'' says the blue-eyed young actor matter-of-factly. He also confesses that he sings and plays guitar in a band with a special liking for the music of Tori Amos and Kate Bush.

BRUTALLY LONG SHOOT GIVES ACTORS UNFAIR ADVANTAGE

``The movie went over budget and over time,'' revealed Pearce. ``We shot for 88 days. It seemed like a drag at the time, but on the other hand, we had all the time in the world to work on our characters.''

DIRECTOR HAS MULTIPLE AFFAIRS ON THE SET!

``Personally, I'm very involved with each of these characters. They all mean a lot to me,'' confessed Hanson, under duress.

AUTHOR WHO MAKES A FINE LIVING FROM CHRONICLING L.A. UNDERWORLD SECRETLY HATES HIPSTERS

``I moved out of L.A. 16 years ago,'' said James Ellroy, author of ``The Black Dahlia,'' ``My Dark Places'' and ``L.A. Confidential.'' He now resides in what he describes as ``the swankiest enclave of Kansas City.''

A self-confessed former dope fiend, petty thief and jailbird (read the autobiographical ``My Dark Places''), Ellroy, who's ``thrilled'' with the movie version of ``L.A. Confidential,'' says he's home at last in K.C.

``I like being around quiet, sensible, decent people who go to church on Sunday. I don't like culture, I don't like scenes, and I don't like noise. I like being around squares.''

CAPTION(S):

9 Photos

Photo: (1--Cover--Color) STEAMY STARLET'S SECRET PAST

(2--Cover--Color) CORRUPT LAPD COPS GO `POSTAL'!

(3--Cover--Color) TABLOID EDITOR CAUGHT IN THE ACT

(4--Cover--Color) HOLLYWOOD CALL-GIRL NEST EXPOSED

(5) Russell Crowe: ``(Kim) has one of the most beautiful, uh, babies, I've ever seen.''

(6) Curtis Hanson: ``Personally, I'm very involved with each of these characters.''

(7) Guy Pearce: ``It seemed like a drag at the time, but ... we had all the time in the world.''

(8) Kim Basinger: ``As Russell puts it, we dance well together. ... The chemistry is just there.''

(9) Danny DeVito: ``Whoever was engaged in prime `sinuendo' was keeping it a big secret.''