`I Hate the Holidays' - Kaiser Permanente Psychologist Offers Tips On Beating Holiday Stress and Depression.

OAKLAND, Calif.--(BW HealthWire)--Dec. 16, 1999--

The holiday season is often hailed as the happiest time of year, but for many the season can also bring increased stress and depression.

"People often harbor unrealistic expectations of the holidays," says Shari Kirkland, PhD, clinical psychologist at Kaiser Permanente's Union City medical offices. "They overspend, overindulge, and hold out the hope that this will be their best holiday ever, even if their family history dictates otherwise."

With the new millennium just around the corner, Dr. Kirkland suspects this holiday season may prove even more stressful than years past. "People are of the mindset that this is the last holiday season of the century, so everything should be bigger, better, and more memorable - yet overextending yourself financially and emotionally can lead to stress."

For others, the holiday season can trigger feelings of sadness and loneliness, especially for those who are alone, have recently lost a loved one, or hail from a dysfunctional family.

"If my patients come from a dysfunctional family, I encourage them to create new holiday traditions that will make them happy rather than to celebrate in a way that will trigger painful memories," says Dr. Kirkland. "Make plans to go out of town, go skiing, invite friends over to dinner, or plan to volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter - do something that will make you feel good about the holidays."

The best approach to surviving the holidays is often taking a realistic approach and setting priorities. "Having a super-long to-do list and wanting to make sure that everyone is happy and gets everything on their gift list isn't practical," says Dr. Kirkland. "It's important to make a budget and to stick with it - realize that the holidays are only a brief period in time, and that you can spread goodwill among friends and family all year round."

Setting time aside for yourself is also crucial. "It's not just what we do around the holidays that causes stress, it's also all the things we give up doing," says Dr. Kirkland. "In times of stress, it's important to keep a set routine - if you go on walks, or work out on a daily basis, make sure that you continue to do these activities during the holidays," says Dr. Kirkland.

The happiest time of year can still be a time of joy, if you practice these simple strategies, says Dr. Kirkland: -0-

--   Use alcohol in moderation. "Alcohol reduces our ability to cope,
     and can lead to increased depression," says Dr. Kirkland. "It can
     also increase your chemical vulnerability and make things seem
     worse than they really are."

--   Make a budget and set spending limits on gifts. "Tell your family
     members that you're putting a cap on gifts this year," says Dr.
     Kirkland. "If things are tight financially, consider a gift of
     time such as a home-cooked meal, or taking a hike with a friend."

--   Learn how to delegate. If hosting the holiday gathering at your
     home is causing you additional stress, consider a potluck where
     family and friends each bring a dish. "Start planning early in
     the year," advises Dr. Kirkland. "Maybe the solution is to draw
     straws and have a different family member host the holidays, or
     to delegate and share the responsibility."

--   Remember that professional counseling can help. "People often
     have problems setting limits and saying no, which can spiral
     around the holidays," says Dr. Kirkland. "Seeing a therapist can
     often give people a reality check and help them with the support
     they need to realize that taking care of yourself doesn't mean
     you're being selfish."

--   Be good to yourself. "In the busiest time of year, we often get
     too busy to take care of ourselves," says Dr. Kirkland. "Even
     little things like treating yourself to a massage or bubble bath
     can ward off tension."

--   Protect yourself from stress. "If you don't routinely exercise,
     plan to take a fifteen minute walk several times a week," says
     Dr. Kirkland. "Exercise helps produce endorphins that can reduce
     stress."

--   Nurture your relationships. "You don't have to be all and give
     all to your loved ones during the holidays; you have an entire
     year to show them they are loved," says Dr. Kirkland. She
     discusses other strategies for nurturing relationships in her new
     book, "Red Hot Relationships: How to Diffuse the Anger and Keep
     the Romance," written with Kaiser Permanente colleague, Dr. Lorel
     Lindstrom.

--   Remember that the holiday season only comes once a year. "For
     people who dread the holidays, I advise anticipating feelings of
     loneliness or stress, and making a contingency plan," says Dr.
     Kirkland. "The good thing about the holidays is they are limited
     and guaranteed to pass."

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Kaiser Permanente, California, is a prepaid, group practice health maintenance organization (HMO) serving more than 5.8 million members throughout the state. More than 7,000 Permanente medical group physicians in both The Permanente Medical Group (TPMG) in Northern California and the Southern California Permanente Medical Group (SCPMG), as well as 55,300 Kaiser Foundation Health Plan and Hospitals employees, provide care to Health Plan members. There are 28 major medical centers organized into 12 service areas throughout California.