`GENERAL HOSPITAL'; FOR STORY LINES, HE SAID, SHE SAID, THEY SAID ...

Byline: Carol Bidwell Daily News Staff Writer

When we asked you to dip your pens into the fantasy inkwell that creates the world of soap opera, where anything can happen (and usually does), we didn't expect such implausible suggestions.

Well, maybe we did.

More than 70 readers wrote in with ways to spice up ABC's ``General Hospital'' as it celebrates its 35th year on television. And some of you weren't exactly concise.

One response was eight pages long; one was 10 pages and included a new story line for every character; another 10-pager included a whole cast of new characters.

Some readers thought we were the ones who plotted the ``GH'' stories. (Then they demanded changes, by golly, right now!)

Others wanted us to hire them as script writers; one wanted to sell us a script; an agent wanted us to hire a long-forgotten ``GH'' actor. Still others bypassed us altogether and sent their suggestions directly to ``GH'' head writer Bob Guza, who because of potential legal problems, couldn't read them.

There was enough fodder for more than a season's worth of ``GH'' drama. Here's a taste of what readers recommended:

Wherefore art thou, Jason?: Tops on the readers' wish lists is for Jason Morgan to become Jason Quartermaine again. (Jason dumped his family and became head of the local mob after suffering brain damage and an instant personality transplant in a car crash; drunken brother A.J. was driving.)

``While driving under the influence of drugs, Alan Quartermaine (Jason and A.J.'s doctor father, who's now popping stolen prescription painkillers like M&Ms) gets groggy and hits an oncoming vehicle being driven by Jason,'' suggested Marlene Tretsky of Northridge. ``After several weeks in the hospital, Jason awakens from his coma mumbling, `A.J. didn't mean it! It was my fault for grabbing the wheel from him.' The last two years of Jason's life have been erased from his memory.''

Laura, you're only a dream: Bring back Genie Francis (her character, Laura, has been hiding from the evil Cassadine family on an island off North Carolina; in real life, Francis has been on maternity leave since May). Or hire another actress to play the part.

``Recast Laura so Luke doesn't have to lurk in the background as a peripheral character. Geary is too good to waste,'' wrote Joyce Ambler of Reseda.

Yessir, that's my baby: Many readers are fed up with Jason acting as father to bad-girl Carly's baby, Michael, when the dad is actually A.J. The other Quartermaine brother should learn he's the dad right away, readers say.

``The enemies of Jason will storm his apartment and spray the apartment with bullets, hitting both Carly and the baby,'' suggested Mary Parker of Chatsworth. ``The baby will need blood from the real father, which will force Jason to tell A.J. the truth.''

In time for Mother's Day: Many viewers want to see scheming, whiny new mom Carly and nurse Bobbie Spencer, who just learned husband-stealing Carly is the daughter she gave up for adoption as a newborn years ago, resolve their differences. Readers suggested that either mom or daughter have a health crisis and be gently nursed back to health by the other, finally solidifying a mother-daughter bond.

Whatever happens, Bobbie needs a new man in her life, and many readers suggest that she reconcile with ex-husband Tony, even though the doc has gone postal after learning that he bedded his wife's new-found daughter.

Others disagree. ``Tony should be cut out of the show,'' wrote Lindy Archer. ``He has committed incest and he should take his own life.''

Together, wherever we go: The couple readers most want to see happy together are supermodel Brenda Barrett and megabucks businessman Jasper Jacks (a k a Jax).

Other couples readers would like to see together include: Private detectives/nightclub owners Felicia Jones and Mac Scorpio (but not as the result of the current Mac-look-alike story line, which most readers find boring); Brenda and A.J.; A.J. and Robin Scorpio; Nikolas Cassadine and Robin; Felicia and anybody but Mac.

Chris Fiedler of Studio City recalled 1980s romance, suggesting that Rick and Leslie Weber be brought back to tangle with Monica and Alan Quartermaine. ``It would be great to see a revival of this great love quadrangle,'' Fiedler wrote.

A couple of readers even pleaded for a love interest for nurse Amy Vining, Laura's sister and GH's resident gossip, who last had a love - and a story line - about four years ago.

Same old, same old: Readers are tired, tired, tired of Alan's drug-habit story line and want a dramatic end - yesterday. ``Make Monica head of the hospital and make Alan acquire multiple personalities,'' suggested Rene Raymond.

Others want to wipe the Port Charles landscape clean of Keesha, Dara, Sarah, Ned and Justus.

Others want to get rid of all the teen-agers in town and concentrate on older characters.

``If I want high school hijinks,'' complained Stephanie Baham, ``I can watch old `Beverly Hills, 90210' reruns.''

Nurses, doctors, mobsters and models

(Alerted that ``General Hospital'' was suffering from extended plot-fatigue syndrome, our readers dashed off their prescriptions for getting everyone's hot blood flowing again. Here's where the show would go if our readers had their way.)

(Cue organ music as...)

Ex-mobster Sonny bursts through the door of the penthouse after his self-imposed exile as a priest.

Sonny: ``I'm takin' the `business' back from you, you brain-damaged thug.'`

(Jason, stunned by Sonny's words, flashes back to General Hospital, where he was on the way to becoming a doctor before his brain-numbing accident.)

Jason: ``Fine, take it. I'll go back to medical school - with the woman I love beside me.''

(Jason picks up phone and calls Robin, his HIV-positive girlfriend.)

``The real me is back. I'm going back to medical school to become a doctor and cure you. Will you marry me?''

Robin: ``Yes, my love. This the best news since I learned an hour ago that my parents, Robert and Anna, who I thought were killed in that long-ago boat explosion, have miraculously turned up alive!''

(Cut to supermodel Brenda's cottage, where - on the brink of revealing her darkest secret to hunky business mogul Jax - she's suddenly discovered she's mute.)

Brenda: Mmmm mmmm uhhh arrrhh!

Jax: What's wrong? Don't you have the nerve to say it? Out with it! Just say it!

Brenda: Mmm arrrgh! Uhhhh!

(Organ music up. Brenda weeps as Jax storms out. And cut to commercial ...

(Back from commercial. Organ music up and fade. Open on Quartermaine living room, where long-suffering matriarch Lila has gathered recovering alcoholic grandson A.J. and recovering drug addict Emily.)

Lila: ``I've had enough of this crazy family. I've sent overbearing Edward to an old folks' home. I do love your grandfather, my dears, but he's gone too far this time. Imagine, trying to steal a baby! I'm running ELQ now, with you two beside me.''

A.J.: ``I'll drink to that.''

Emily: ``Far out. I'll get my nails done.''

Lila: ``Call Reginald and have him bring the car around. We've got to get cracking...''

(Cut to nurse Bobbie and ex-husband Tony, who's buttoned into a straightjacket in General Hospital's mental ward.)

Bobbie: ``Tony, you cheated on me with Carly and, down deep, I still loved you. You kidnapped baby Michael and I stuck by you. But now you've raped sweet, young Elizabeth and it will take more than an `I'm sorry, but I'm not over my daughter's death four years ago' to make it right this time.''

Tony: ``But you know I'm a really good dad. And you know how I like to be around young people.''

(Tony breaks into a chorus of ``Thank Heaven for Little Girls'' as an attendant straps him to a bed and administers a sedative. Fade out to commercial.)

(Back from commercial. Music rises. Cut to basement of General Hospital, where Sean and Tiffany, Tracy Quartermaine, Rick Weber, Frisco Jones, Lois Ashton and Holly Sutton have been kept imprisoned by Dr. Alan Quartermaine, driven to a dependence on drugs by memories of his ill-fated marriage to vixen Lucy Coe. They use a carelessly discarded scalpel to chisel their way out of their prison, overpower Alan and leave him behind clutching a bottle of painkillers.)

Sean: ``All right, everybody, we've got to get out of here! Down to the docks, where I've arranged to have a boat waiting. We'll hide out in Greece.''

Tiffany: ``My big, strong, take-charge man! I'll go anywhere with you.''

(Cut to the docks, where their boat has just set sail. Out of the shadows comes evil Stefan Cassadine and his more evil mother, Helena, who silently get into their own boat and follow them.)

(Cut to neighboring dock, where Luke and Laura, reunited again, clamber onto a third boat.)

Luke: ``It's just like old times, saving the world from the evil Cassadines! Babycakes, it's great to be back home!''

(Closeup on Laura, catching the adoration in her eyes as a single tear rolls down her cheek. Luke steers with one hand and slips the other arm around her waist as he gazes out to sea.)

Laura: ``Oh, Luke!''

(Organ music rises. And fade to black...)

CAPTION(S):

Photo, Box

Photo: Was it life with Lucy Coe (Lynn Herring) or just one too many pokes from that red hat that drove Dr. Alan Quartermaine (Stuart Damon) to drug addiction?

Box: Nurses, doctors, mobsters and models (See Text)