`EVERYONE'S HERO' NOT A CINEMATIC HOME RUN.

Byline: - Glenn Whipp

In the bland kiddie flick ``Everyone's Hero,'' the talking baseball bat dreams of nonfat mochaccinos for breakfast, the Chicago Cub villain threatens the pesky 10-year-old protagonist with a timeout, and the soundtrack features the modern country stylings of Brooks & Dunn.

Now might be a good time to mention the movie takes place in 1932.

Ignoring these kinds of anachronisms would seem to be the rule in a movie about a blabbermouth baseball teaching a kid the value of persistence. But ``Everyone's Hero'' is so thoroughly predictable and uninspired that you can't help but bristle at their mere mention.

Kids -- little ones -- might be OK with ``Hero,'' but mom and dad will need to join the talking bat for a double mochaccino in order to make it through its 85-minute running time.

The movie follows a bat boy named Yankee Irving (voiced by Jake T. Austin) who dreams of playing in the World Series but has trouble putting the bat on the ball in neighborhood pickup games.

Frustrated, Yankee gives up baseball -- until he comes across a talking ball (Rob Reiner, doing a Borscht Belt bit here). Said baseball, appropriately named Screwie, is a fellow misfit whose one big-league appearance resulted in being hit foul clean out of Yankee Stadium.

Yankee and Screwie join forces when the unscrupulous owner of the Chicago Cubs has Babe Ruth's beloved bat stolen so the Cubbies can have a fighting chance against the Bronx Bombers in the 1932 World Series. Yankee must save his team and retrieve the bat, named Darlin' (voiced by Whoopi Goldberg), an adventure that involves a Negro League pitcher, said pitcher's plucky daughter and a lot of talk about the ball's aching butt.

``Everyone's Hero'' is being sold as Christopher Reeve's last creative endeavor. Reeve is listed as executive producer and ``originating director,'' and the man certainly knew a thing or two about perseverance. The importance of that quality is emphasized here -- what's missing is a sense of magic that should be present in a story about a baseball brought to life.

By the way: Contrary to the movie's depiction, the Yankees did not need seven games to beat the Cubs in 1932. They swept the Series, which is mainly remembered for Ruth's ``called shot'' home run in Game 3. The Babe did plenty of talking, but like we see in the film, his bat always had the last word.

EVERYONE'S HERO - Two stars

(G)

Starring: Voices of Rob Reiner, Whoopi Goldberg and Jake T. Austin.

Directors: Christopher Reeve, Daniel St. Pierre and Colin Brady.

Running time: 1 hr. 25 min.

Playing: In wide release.

In a nutshell: We're talkin' baseball with a talkin' baseball. And it's a pretty foul ball.

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Photo:

A young boy shares screen time with a talking bat and ball in ``Everyone's Hero.''