`EARTH': GALACTICALLY BAD.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

``Battlefield Earth'' is a movie that's so bad on so many different levels that . . . dare we say . . . it's almost entertaining. This isn't just stupid-bad like ``Wild Wild West'' or ``Inspector Gadget.'' This is ``Showgirls'' bad, the kind of unintentionally camp movie that will play for years to come as an example of Hollywood filmmaking at its most fatuous.

Don't misunderstand. Buy a ticket for this mess, and you'll be sorry. ``Battlefield Earth'' is a shrill, hollow and unintelligible movie with no redeeming value whatsoever aside from watching John Travolta ham it up as an evil alien who looks like a Rastafarian Michelin Man with Klingon colorings. (Dig the KISS platform boots, too, John.)

Travolta's career will survive this catastrophe. The same can't be said for director Roger Christian, a George Lucas collaborator, who, judging from all the tilted camera angles, watched one too many episodes of the old ``Batman'' television series before undertaking this project. Not only that, but Christian botches nearly every action sequence in the movie, rendering each set piece dull, incoherent and pointless.

``Battlefield Earth,'' for the uninitiated, is based on L. Ron Hubbard's mammoth science-fiction potboiler about a group of brave, beleaguered human outcasts who dare to take on their towering alien overlords, the dreadlocked Psychlos. The action takes place in A.D. 3000, centuries after the Psychlos conquered the planet (apparently it took all of nine minutes) and, now they're just hanging around to strip mine all the minerals. (Why such an advanced alien race would place a high value on gold is one of a myriad of questions best left unasked.)

Most of the action takes place at the Psychlos' headquarters where the head of security, Terl (Travolta), plots to exploit the humans so he can acquire a stash of gold and beat a path back to his home planet. Terl, however, doesn't count on the resourcefulness of Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper), who learns of the Psychlo ways through a knowledge zapper (again, don't ask) and begins to apply Euclidean geometry to the task of overthrowing his tormentors.

The movie's stupidity is on such a grand scale that there simply isn't enough space to list all the asinine moments. But permit me to name a few: Terl randomly handing Jonnie Goodboy a book in Denver's public library (looking pretty good after 1,000 years of neglect), challenging him to find something in it that will help him win his freedom. Jonnie Goodboy blows the dust off the book and it's . . . the Declaration of Independence!

There's also the time when the film's lone human female (Travolta's wife, Kelly Preston, has a cameo as a Psychlo with an immense tongue) tells Jonnie Goodboy: ``I really don't believe in fate. But I always knew this was your destiny.'' And, yes, she was quivering in her buckskin costume when she said this.

Travolta shamelessly throws himself into Terl, and, actually, is intentionally quite funny in several scenes, usually the ones involving his conviction that humans love to eat rats. Typically, however, his broad performance suggests a certain fondness for ``Austin Powers' '' Dr. Evil, and the filmmakers clearly missed a golden opportunity to create a Mini-Terl sidekick. (The thankless henchman role, instead, went to Forest Whitaker, who should fire his agent.)

Coming as it does from Hubbard, some have suggested ``Battlefield Earth'' could be a subliminal recruiting tool for the author's Scientology sect. But if the filmmakers couldn't get the obvious storytelling bits right, they'd be sorely challenged to deliver a convincing subtext. If a sequel, as rumored, is planned, perhaps we can request some subliminal snack-bar messages. Beleaguered humans deserve a break, too.

Hold the rat, though.

The facts

--The film: ``Battlefield Earth'' (PG-13; intense sci-fi action).

--The stars: John Travolta, Barry Pepper, Forest Whitaker.

--Behind the scenes: Directed by Roger Christian. Screenplay by Corey Mandell, based on the novel by L. Ron Hubbard. Released by Warner Bros.

--Running time: One hour, 57 minutes.

--Playing: Citywide.

--Our rating: One star.

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Forest Whitaker, left, and John Travolta try to dominate Earth in the sci-fi epic ``Battlefield Earth.''