'Tis the Season to Be Jolly--But Not for the Lonely.

Christmas for most of us is one of the most joyous times of the year--but for those living alone, apart from family and friends, it can be one of the most depressing.

Being alone is not the same as loneliness. We can choose to be alone for positive reasons--reading a good book, listening to favorite recordings, taking a walk, or just getting lost in pleasant thoughts. Loneliness, on the other hand, can occur even in the presence of others--if one feels "left out" of the conversation, is going through marital difficulties, or is otherwise disconnected from a social situation. Unfortunately, more and more Americans are finding loneliness to be their way of life.

Many circumstances or character traits can induce loneliness: shyness, hostility, low self-esteem, lack of social skills, a recent move. Persons who are highly competitive or fiercely independent may often experience loneliness. Chronically lonely people typically suffer from a vicious cycle, beginning with low self-esteem leading to loneliness, which fuels the low self-esteem.

The elderly are particularly prone to loneliness because of such circumstances as finances or poor health that limit their social interaction--and loneliness, especially when combined with stress, can weaken the immune system, leading to further health deterioration. Malnutrition, weight loss, fatigue, and depression are often associated with loneliness, as is alcohol and other drug dependency. Acknowledging loneliness and then determining what makes one lonely are the first steps in overcoming it.

Loneliness may only be temporary, the result of changing circumstances. One can deal with it directly through such activities as taking a class, joining a group (many churches offer a wide variety of group activities), or starting a new hobby involving other persons. Dealing with constant loneliness, because it is more related to personality traits, is more complex. If clinical depression or anxiety is the underlying cause, professional diagnosis and treatment are essential. Otherwise, the lonely person may often be reached by a gesture of friendship--or by themselves reaching out to others, attempting to overcome the shyness or lack of social skills that led to loneliness.

Lonely persons may passively give in by sleeping, crying, watching TV, drinking, or taking drugs--or they may seek to distract themselves from their loneliness by using their time alone more creatively: engaging in a hobby, studying, exercise, etc. They can try to convince themselves that they do have good qualities--as should those trying to help them. For the elderly, senior citizen centers offer a point of contact with others coping with the same problems, which can help the lonely to ignore the differences between themselves and others and concentrate on the similarities.