'Let's talk': when a business relationship is heading for 'Splitsville,' the best thing to do is acknowledge it and move on.

Nothing strikes more fear into the hearts of an insurance underwriter, broker or agent than when a client says, "We should talk." That's because there usually are two very distinct directions in which the conversation is going to go: One, the client is going to ask you to make some change; or, two, you are about to be fired. (See Donald Trump for a shorter explanation on point number two.)

In some shape or form you, or your company, and the client have disconnected and the chemistry has been lost. Unfortunately, clients do not come with warning labels, nor do they come with specific instructions on how to please them, as they are individual in nature.

When the client-carrier/broker/agent relationship first began, there were expectations, and most of them were met or even exceeded. Policies were on time, service was exemplary, phone calls were returned quickly, claims actually were paid, and other such niceties.

This honeymoon period usually was followed by the longer client-carrier/broker/agent relationship period that was much harder to keep strong and fresh. There were bumps in the road and miscommunications--some burnt dinners, if you will. Some of these were easily gotten over, and others began the death spiral toward the curtain being pulled.

Often there is a great sense of personal loss when a business relationship nears its end. Not only is it just business, but in the insurance relationship, many times it is also personal and personable. But reality will set in once the end is at hand.

When the business relationship is headed for "Splitsville," the first step is to face it head-on. The sooner both parties can talk with each other about ending the relationship, the better off they both will be. A truth-filled face-to-face about why it is ending is critical for everyone involved.

The alternative to facing it is denying it. Even though denial is a natural stage in any ending process, it is unnecessary and it only creates prolonged pain. This goes along with the old saying, "If you love something set it free, and if it comes back to you, it was really meant to be." Putting your faith in that myth is really denial. It happened; truthfully discuss it; and for now, move on.

The second step in the business healing process is to do an assessment. That means to yield to what is real versus what we wish were real. By accurately assessing the loss, we can look into ourselves and our companies for answers as to why this relationship ended. We can see how our actions, inactions, words or culture contributed to the situation, and how we may be partly responsible for it. This is not a private flogging for all our past sins, but rather a face-the-mirror time.

Candor is a key ingredient in the assessment process. The assessment stage is not where we lay the blame, but where we measure what went wrong and what went right. This type of evaluation should include everyone who touched the client so that each person on the team can have a part in the process.

Depending upon how high-profile the client is, you also may have to do damage control. If other clients get wind of the fact that your business has lost a high-profile customer, they may consider jumping ship, too. Let's face it--the insurance industry travels in the same small circles, so it may be worth it to reach out to existing clients and assure them your business is still sound. Losing a single client is part of doing business, but losing a lot of clients is an opening for your competition.

Finally, start looking forward. The ending of this business relationship may sting for years to come, but other opportunities will spring forth. Saying goodbye is one of the most feared business experiences for a client. Most are unprepared for leaving, but you should know that the end was healthy for the client and for your company.

No one wants to be in a relationship where they are unhappy or feel they are being taken advantage of by the other party. Remember that endings are just new beginnings, and are a part of the world of insurance.

Lance Ewing, a Best's Review columnist, is vice president, Risk Management, for Harrah's Entertainment. He can be reached at [e-mail].