'DESPERATE' TIMES SITCOM LEGENDS TAKE A SWING AT A 'NEW CLASSIC'.

Byline: David Kronke Television Writer

Just down the street from Wisteria Lane - aka Elm Street on the Universal Studios lot - Charo wriggles in a fuchsia bustier, attempting to seduce her gardener. Charo is, of course, emulating Eva Longoria's Gabrielle of ABC's ``Desperate Housewives,'' and her gardener is played by Jerry Mathers, known to the world as the last great innocent, the Beav of the '50s sitcom ``Leave It to Beaver.''

He's a little reticent, a little bewildered at such forward behavior. ``Golly,'' he says. ``Gee whiz.'' Charo lunges from her bed at the poor/lucky guy, and, watching from a nearby monitor, producer Michael Levitt, smiling like a naughty schoolboy, points gleefully as Charo's bottom appears on screen.

Truth be told, her outfit is almost demure by today's TV standards. But this sequence is for TV Land, the cable network that presents the clean-cut sitcom classics of the past, so it plays as just a bit racy here.

We're watching the production of ``Desperate Classic Housewives,'' a sketch that will be presented as part of ``The TV Land Awards: A Celebration of Classic TV,'' the show that proves that a TV series needn't still be in production to win awards.

In addition to Charo and Mathers, the cast includes Marion Ross (``Happy Days'') as Marcia Cross' Bree, Shirley Jones (``The Partridge Family'') as Felicity Huffman's Lynette, Barbara Eden (``I Dream of Jeannie'') as Nicollette Sheridan's Edie and Joyce DeWitt (``Three's Company'') as Teri Hatcher's Susan. Tom Bosley (``Happy Days''), Abe Vigoda (``Barney Miller'') and Don Knotts (``The Andy Griffith Show'') play the men of Wisteria Lane.

Of the veteran actresses aping the housewives, Barbara Eden is a big fan, while Ross and Jones aren't regular viewers but liked what they have seen.

``It's a tickle,'' Eden says. ``It's a wonderfully done show, wonderfully acted.''

``She's very perfect but anal - I don't think she's very frisky,'' Ross observes of Bree, using the word - ``frisky'' - Mrs. Cunningham frequently and delightedly used to the venerable Mr. C.

As one of the Cunningham characters, she boasts, ``We were probably the first sitcom characters to have sex.''

Jones, too, takes pride in her classic character's groundbreaking nature.

``Mrs. Partridge was more independent than the other mothers of the day,'' she says. ``Grown-ups of today still talk to me about it. Those shows certainly have lasted.'' As Lynette in the spoof, she has three red- haired, Ritalin-munching monsters, all named Danny.

Like the others, Eden is still approached by fans of a character she played decades ago, a character kept alive by TV Land reruns.

``I forgot about her as I did other series,'' she says, ``but she's always there, looking over my shoulder.''

When a woman from wardrobe presents Eden with some costume possibilities, the actress - who once almost scandalized '60s America by baring her midriff - looks askance: ``It looks like underwear,'' she says.

Later, the actresses are together, decked out in wigs mimicking their characters' celebrated coifs (though there's a fear that Jones' Lynette wig isn't frazzled-looking enough). They begin shooting a parody of the scene from ``DH's'' pilot in which the women discover an ominous note and wonder what dark secrets their fallen comrade could have harbored.

``Being a classic TV housewife can lead you to do some pretty desperate things,'' shudders Ross as Bree. (We should note that, of the actresses assembled, only Ross has played a classic TV housewife, though Eden's Jeannie did get married late in her sitcom's run.)

But while TV Land honors classic shows of the past, the question emerges: What sitcoms of today will it be celebrating 30 years hence?

Eden offers up ``Desperate Housewives'' and ``Everybody Loves Raymond'' as possibilities, but then draws a blank.

``It's more difficult to get a really good comedy these days,'' she observes. ``You have to give a comedy a chance to develop, for the creative people to get in sync with their actors. They don't let comedies have a chance (to find an audience) these days.''

Jones notes that the sheer proliferation of programming these days means that few current shows will generate the widespread nostalgia of those from the past.

``There's just too much of everything,'' Jones says. ``When we were doing our series, there were three hit shows - they were basically all you had to watch.

``Now, there's so much out there on that flat-screen TV - oy. What are they going to memorialize? You scroll past all the options of things to watch - you can get exhausted just turning your TV on.''

David Kronke, [phone]

david.kronke(at)dailynews.com

A CELEBRATION OF CLASSIC TV

What: Bob Newhart, Carol Burnett and Aaron Spelling are among those honored by the nostalgia channel.

Where: TV Land.

When: 9 tonight.

CAPTION(S):

2 photos, box

Photo:

(1 -- color) For a segment on tonight's ``TV Land Awards,'' the cable network recruited the ``Desperate Classic Housewives'': Marion Ross, left, Barbara Eden, Shirley Jones, Charo and Joyce DeWitt.

(2) For a segment on tonight's ``TV Land Awards,'' the cable network recruited the ``Desperate Classic Housewives'': Barbara Eden, left, Marion Ross, Joyce DeWitt, Shirley Jones and Charo.

Box:

A CELEBRATION OF CLASSIC TV (see text)