'DECENCY' COPS KEEP FIDDLING WITH TUBE.

Byline: STEVE YOUNG

AS a TV writer, critic and living and breathing male, I think it's time to respond to the deluge of bad press that television and licentiousness on the screen has been receiving.

First there was the Janet Jackson Super Bowl revelation, which became the most clicked-into Internet moment in history. Word is, the week following provided more computer crashes and TiVo breakdowns due to overworked pause buttons than the Madonna-Spears kiss.

Then we have stations who chose not to air ``Saving Private Ryan'' because of its ... its ... darn language.

Now it's Monday Night Football and the opening sketch between (and I mean ``between'') the Philadelphia Eagles' highly rated receiver Terrell Owens and ``Desperate Housewives''' even higher-rated tight end, Nicollette Sheridan.

In the skit, Owens is persuaded by Sheridan's dropping of her towel to take a pass on the game and instead take Nicollette's pass. At that moment, Sheridan's naked (can I still say ``naked'' in a newspaper?) back was seen, waist up. Hokey-smokey. Get the children out of the room. A back. Naked yet.

You would think with all the worry from those who say that teaching the existence of homosexuality in a school health class will cause our young-uns to ``go'' gay, they would appreciate the shoving of a rather attractive naked female back in the face of our children as a great foundation for ``going'' heterosexual. Of course, unless there were a plethora of female children watching ``MNF.''

Good thing these family associations who are watching out for us weren't around during the explicitness of my National Geographic topless aborigines days, to say nothing of my dear, dear Sears lingerie catalogs.

As soon as I saw the ABC apology regretting the explicit incident, I thought the same thing as most of you. The real apology was due to the huge majority of the ``MNF'' demographic (males, puberty-to-forever) for the incident not being explicit enough. As far as that group is concerned, the shot which revealed Sheridan's waist-up back would have been more appreciated if the camera man thought to drop the shot to knee and above. I'm a knee man. And let's be honest, how far through the roof would the ratings go if next weeks ``MNF'' game offered full frontal in the opening sketch?

But the real question is: Was it really indecent? If you actually saw the Eagles-Cowboy game, the most indecent aspect of the show was the Cowboys' dreadful performance (they lost, 49-21). If you want to complain about indecency in television, I say, get rid of ``Fear Factor.'' The reason you can't - too many of you are watching it. Bad taste is the right of every American. Jerry Springer. Need I say more?

And isn't that the problem? The histrionics of the ``decency'' police, a small amount of people telling the rest of us what we can and cannot watch, attempts to censor decisions that should be ours.

How can a small group decide for the majority what we should watch, or in Howard Stern's case, listen to? If that was the rule of decision, John Kerry would be getting ready to move into the White House. Actually, decency-police to the rest-of-us percentages applied, come January, Ralph Nader would be parking his hybrid at 1600 Pennsylvania.

Some may say that, in the least, a warning should be given if something risque is to be shown, but how soon will that lead to ``Worthless, Ill-Written Show To Follow?'' And who would judge that?

I for one would like to outlaw every show that has a writer on staff under the age of 40. You know what I find indecent? Those guys taking my job. But just because I feel that way (and hope you do, too), I can't make that decision for the rest of you. If you don't want to watch things you find disturbing ... don't. Don't let others take away your right to watch, or not watch, what you want.

Then again, if they can get rid of those under-40 TV writer kids, perhaps I'll rethink the issue.