"Verbatim".

"Imagine showing up on your Judgment Day ... and [God] says, "Where did you see me? Did you see me in the poor and the immigrant and the homeless?" And you say, 'Well, no, but I did see you in a piece of chocolate once.'"

--Los Angeles archdiocesan spokesman Tad Tamberg, commenting on miraculous spiritual appearances in food (L.A. Times, Dec. 15, 2006)

"The Mepkin Abbey egg factory is hell on Earth for chickens."

--People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals Vice President (and Catholic) Bruce Friedrich, denouncing a South Carolina Trappist monastery's egg farm (PETA press release, Feb. 21, 2007)

"He is completely heterosexual. That is something he discovered."

--The Rev. Tim Ralph, a member of the board charged with overseeing former evangelical pastor Ted Haggard, who was removed after admitting to homosexual activity and drug use (Denver Post, Feb. 5, 2007)

"The controversial pages within the books are not taught within the academy."

--Sumoya Aluyusuf of the King Fahad Academy, a Muslim school in London, commenting on a textbook that referred to Jews as "monkeys" and Christians as "pigs" (BBC News, Feb. 7, 2007)

"It just kind of feels like the hand of God has been at work."

--Sharon Kugler, who will become the first laywoman and the first Catholic chaplain of Yale University (New Haven Register, Feb. 13, 2007)"