"One of my students lies compulsively. He tells his classmates outrageous stories, and they are starting to tease him about it. What can I do to help?".

Help the Child Identify His Behavior. Lying is never an easy hurdle to overcome, especially when it seems the child may not realize how many lies he's telling. I would have a private discussion in which you identify ways to overcome this urge. For example, suggest a key word for the child to say to himself each time a lie begins to form. This strategy may slow him down long enough to think about the consequences of his behavior. Praise the student each time he refrains from lying so that he continues to receive attention--only now from a positive rather than a negative action.--Karen Vanek, Oak Forest School, Houston, TX

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Teach Important Friendship Skills. In many cases, children alienate themselves from peers because of their decision to lie. Find out why this boy tells these outrageous stories and see if this is a pattern that the parents have noticed as well. As you try to isolate the reasons, keep in mind that this child might benefit from some private, structured discussions about how to become a friend and how to maintain friendships. Allow time for the child to practice these skills and check in with him on a regular basis, praising him at each step. I would also give the child a chance to explore his storytelling ability through writing. This way, he can keep his creativity alive while cultivating friendships that are based on trust and honesty rather than falsehoods.--Jaynelle Nestle, Casis Elementary School, Austin, TX

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Understand His Motivation. This is a child who wants to feel accepted. Take him aside and tell him that you're concerned because you think that people might be confused by some things that he says. Avoid accusing him of lying, which will only make an insecure kid more anxious--and likely to lie. Explain that telling "tall tales" is fine, as long as the child makes it clear that it's only a story. It might also be worthwhile to speak to the students with whom the boy shares his truth-stretching stories--most likely a group he wants to impress. Encourage the group to include new students in their play, with care not to single out the lying child.--Audrey Kennan, Town Center Elementary School, Plainsboro, NJ

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Dr. Brodkin Responds:

This teacher uses the word "compulsive," implying that something seems to come over her student, compelling him to lie. If he were a preschooler, we could presume that he is still unclear about where facts end and fantasy begins. But older children should be well grounded in reality and this boy may be lagging in that area.

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Ideally, the teacher would have a chat with the parents or guardians. It's possible that the teacher will experience comparable storytelling by the parents--"Can you top this?" families are not uncommon. If this is the sort of environment in which the child has grown up, he may simply be following his family's model for how to interact. This would also mean that his grasp of reality is not impaired, and that the fine suggestions made by these teachers would apply. However, if it turns out that the parents are just as concerned about their son's lying as his teacher, she may want to work with them to get essential professional help within or outside of school, in addition to doing whatever she can in the classroom.

Dr. Adele Brodkin is a child psychology expert and the author of Fresh Approaches to Working With Problematic Behavior (Scholastic, 2001).