"It Still Hurts".FOR COLUMBINE columbine, in botany columbine (kŏl`əmbīn), any plant of the genus Aquilegia, temperate-zone perennials of the family Ranunculaceae (buttercup family), popular both as wildflowers and as garden flowers. STUDENTS, THE STRUGGLE ISN'T OVER Everyone in the world knows what happened at Columbine High School Columbine High School is a secondary school in unincorporated Jefferson County, Colorado. The school is located at 6201 South Pierce Street, one mile west of the Littleton city limits and half a mile south of the Denver city/county line. last April 20, but no one outside the school really knows what it has been like to go through the experience--to survive the shootings, to grieve grieve v. grieved, griev·ing, grieves v.tr. 1. To cause to be sorrowful; distress: It grieves me to see you in such pain. 2. afterward af·ter·ward also af·ter·wards adv. At a later time; subsequently. Adv. 1. afterward - happening at a time subsequent to a reference time; "he apologized subsequently"; "he's going to the store but he'll be back here , and then to try to get on with life. For the past year, Columbine's students have been trying to do all that. It has been painful, and, for many, the struggle continues. To find out how students have dealt with the violence and its aftermath, UPFRONT invited a group of them to participate in a roundtable interview. Here are excerpts from the conversation. UPFRONT: In this past year, what has it been like inside Columbine? Is it still scary to go to school? HEATHER CROSS: Whenever I walk by certain spots, it's just creepy creep·y adj. creep·i·er, creep·i·est Informal 1. Of or producing a sensation of uneasiness or fear, as of things crawling on one's skin: a creepy feeling; a creepy story. 2. knowing what happened there. It's just really creepy. I'm not scared to go there, but at the same time, I'm pretty much paranoid wherever I go. You see people and you're just like, I'm trusting all these people with my life, you know. And it's just like, where's it going to happen next? For me, it still hurts a whole bunch. ANDREW FRASER There are several notable people by the name of Andrew Fraser:
tr.v. de·sen·si·tized, de·sen·si·tiz·ing, de·sen·si·tiz·es 1. To render insensitive or less sensitive. 2. Immunology To make (an individual) nonreactive or insensitive to an antigen. to violence after all that's happened in our community. But one thing that does actually kind of scare me is the fact that not a lot has changed in the school itself. I really hate to say it, and I'm not beating on anyone or pointing out any particular people, but for a period of three months or so, and also the first month that we were back at school, the whole school was just pretty much like a big family. All the barriers were taken down, and kids were all friends and just willing to accept each other. And now, I still don't see any physical violence towards any other kids, but it seems like over time, everyone's essentially kind of dissolved back into their own cliques. MICHAEL LEARY Michael Antonio Leary (born April 17 1983 in Ealing, England) is a footballer, currently playing for Football League Two team Barnet. Leary began his career as a trainee with Luton Town, turning professional in July 2002. : Being an athlete, we've had a lot of stuff to go through with the media and everything. Like the Eric and Dylan thing, I think everybody blamed it on the athletes, that that's why they did it. When we were freshmen, the senior class used to be able to get away with a lot of stuff that now we wouldn't even be able to do without getting expelled. Like picking on kids. Just pushing them around, teasing teasing the act of parading a male before a female to see if she displays estrus, and is therefore in a state where mating is likely to be fertile. them. Just, I think, the same stuff that Eric and Dylan said they had to go through. So, that now has changed. DEVON ADAMS: There are a lot of athletes at our school, and the majority of them are very, very cool people, I'm friends with a lot of them. There are a couple of guys on the football team or whatever who aren't as nice, but they're not like cruel or anything. They just would rather hang out with the athletes than hang out with other groups. But that's going to happen with any group. I mean, there are people on the forensics See computer forensics. team who would rather hang out with people on the forensics team than anybody else. UNANSWERABLE QUESTIONS UPFRONT: Does anybody have any thoughts about why the violence happened at this particular school? ANDREW: As time's gone on, I pretty much just tried to stop asking myself questions. Because that's just what's been driving me more and more crazy. How it could have happened, and what would have motivated it and stuff. And I really just continue to draw a blank at each of those questions. I think for the most part it was bottled-up rage and possibly psychopathological psy·cho·pa·thol·o·gy n. 1. The study of the origin, development, and manifestations of mental or behavioral disorders. 2. The manifestation of a mental or behavioral disorder. problems. RICHARD CASTALDO: I think basically just that, and like they probably had an urge to be famous or something, too. Trying to get on TV. Heck of a way to get on TV, but ... DEVON: I think it was a lot of things. I think society had a big part in it, and what Richard just said about them wanting to be on TV. There's a movie, Natural Born Killers, about how these people wanted to become killers because they wanted to be on TV. And that was one of their favorite movies. I think it was school atmosphere. They did get teased tease v. teased, teas·ing, teas·es v.tr. 1. To annoy or pester; vex. 2. To make fun of; mock playfully. 3. . They did (Jet persecuted a lot. I'm almost positive that they had some psychological disorder Noun 1. psychological disorder - (psychiatry) a psychological disorder of thought or emotion; a more neutral term than mental illness folie, mental disorder, mental disturbance, disturbance that made them do this. And I think that the communication lines had broken down with their parents. Like, I know that one of them had a very good relationship with his parents, but the communication lines had broken down. UPFRONT: Do you feel anger toward Eric and Dylan now? RICHARD: I don't know Don't know (DK, DKed) "Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. . It seems like kind of a pointless thing to worry about, since they're dead. I guess if they were alive, and be in the court yelling at them pretty good. But, I mean, since they're dead, it doesn't really seem like I should waste my energy over it. HEATHER: What I think about them now is pretty much disgust. No matter how bad you're made fun of--I mean, I get made fun of all the time, you know--what they did is completely inexcusable. So I don't feel any sympathy for them at all. Because they could have gotten help, and they could have talked to people, and people could have talked to them. DEVON: This is kind of a tough question for me. I was very good friends a long time ago with Dylan. A long time ago. And I was also friends with Eric my freshman year until I got scared of him. He threatened my life, and I pretty much said, no thanks, you leave now, I don't like you. Prom night, I danced with Dylan because he was one of my best friends. He had been my confidant. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, and I said, no, there's tomorrow. And I never told him. And then he was gone and he took all these people with him, including two of my friends. And, every time I think about him and Eric I just--it makes me so mad, it just sickens me, that they would have ever done that. I wish we could go back to before it all happened. And I wish I could have done some things differently. TEENS HELPING TEENS UPFRONT: Family and friends, but also teachers, school counselors--how have they helped you deal with what you've gone through? MICHAEL: I don't really express my feelings much. I just keep it inside and don't say anything, and just deal with it. I don't talk to a counselor or anything. I don't think if I did it would help me at all. ANDREW: I've found that the absolute best counseling I've got from anyone is just from talking about random topics with my friends. You know, as much as I know my parents want to help and just about anyone else, I'm kind of ashamed to say that I don't feel as comfortable talking ANDREW FRASER: As far about it with either my parents or counselors. Although they try to understand what you're going through and relate to what you're feeling, they didn't experience the same thing. So I don't feel as comfortable discussing it with them as I do with other kids who are experiencing the same emotions as I am. HEATHER: I think it kind of sucks how it takes something like this to make you really realize who is truly important to you. You value your relationships so much more. Whenever I get in fights with people in my family or whatever, I'm more willing to talk it out and not just be like, oh whatever, and just leave. UPFRONT (to Richard Castaldo). Because you're in this wheelchair, obviously people can recognize you. Heather is smiling, so clearly there's some story to be told here. HEATHER: Every single time I'm like with him, someone will say, hey Richard. I'm like, who's that? RICHARD: A lot more people recognize me. And for the most part they want to help me. Like, what can I do for you? And, can I get the door? And stuff like that. But other than that, it gets kind of annoying. UPFRONT: What did it mean to the school when the football team won the state title? SUNNY DOTY Do´ty a. 1. Half-rotten; as, doty timber s>. : I went to the game and I was just amazed a·maze v. a·mazed, a·maz·ing, a·maz·es v.tr. 1. To affect with great wonder; astonish. See Synonyms at surprise. 2. Obsolete To bewilder; perplex. v.intr. at how many people there were from every different group in the school. We were just so excited that our pride as the Columbine Rebels had been restored, and that we had done something right and not something wrong. We were reclaiming something good for ourselves, and restoring honor, in a sense. RICHARD: I don't know. I don't really care about football like at all. So, it doesn't really affect me too much. SIGNS OF TROUBLE UPFRONT: What would you tell other kids, or their parents, about looking out for trouble? SUNNY: I think what you need to look out for is kids that isolate themselves from reality and tend to get depressed, or don't talk to anyone except for maybe two or three people. I think those are the kids that people need to watch out for, because I've been in that situation and I've thought the thoughts that they did. DEVON: I could say, watch out for the quiet ones who get straight A's. That was Eric. If he hadn't done this, he would have been valedictorian, one of them. I'm not quiet by any means, but I used to be. But I am a straight--A student. I guess it's really hard to say what to look out for. ANDREW: I just think that it's the parents' role to be the ones to kind of probe into their kids' lives. I hate to say it, but to be kind of nosy nos·y or nos·ey adj. nos·i·er, nos·i·est Informal 1. Given to prying into the affairs of others; snoopy. See Synonyms at curious. 2. Prying; inquisitive. about it if they're worried. I've had times where I've had my mom go snooping through my room and find something that I really didn't want her to find. I'd say, what did you do that for, how can I trust you? And then she kind of turns it right back in my face and says, well, how can I trust you, you know, with this, or whatever? As much as it ticked me off, it's a good point. SUNNY: I would have to say that that's kind of a tough deal for parents. Because, I was suicidal su·i·cid·al adj. 1. Of or relating to suicide. 2. Likely to attempt suicide. a long time ago, and I tried to kill myself about five different times, and my parents know of one. And that was only because I had told one of my friends, finally, that I was suicidal My parents didn't know because, you know, when you don't want anyone to know, you're pretty good at masking mask·ing n. 1. The concealment or the screening of one sensory process or sensation by another. 2. An opaque covering used to camouflage the metal parts of a prosthesis. things. So I think it's really hard to decipher Same as decrypt. who is going to do something. LOSS OF INNOCENCE UPFRONT: How have the events of last April continued to shape you and the students around you? PETER HENDERSON: If anything happens at Columbine, it seems to get blown out of proportion. I think people don't understand that we're real people. They think we're just, you know, the Columbine kids, like it's almost a movie, or not real. But, we're real people and that really does Warren Trotter, better known as Really Doe, is an American rapper from Chicago, Illinois. He is affiliated with Kanye West and his G.O.O.D. Music family and label. Discography Songs
ANDREW: I'm just kind of sad to have lost my innocence, so to speak, at such a young age. But for the most part, I'm going to try to keep going on with my life. The whole event itself is something that I don't want to let defeat me or torment my thoughts the rest of my life, but make me a stronger person. RICHARD CASTALDO 18, senior Suffered multiple gunshot wounds. Now wheelchair-bound with a spinal cord injury Spinal Cord Injury Definition Spinal cord injury is damage to the spinal cord that causes loss of sensation and motor control. Description Approximately 10,000 new spinal cord injuries (SCIs) occur each year in the United States. . Returned to Columbine in October. Plays tuba tuba (t  `bə) [Lat.,=trumpet], valved brass wind musical instrument of wide conical bore. in the
school band.
HEATHER CROSS 16, junior Was herded in and out of various rooms during the shooting. Has been dating Richard Castaldo for about six months. Would like to do some acting and plays the guitar. MICHAEL LEARY 17, junior Went from school cafeteria to an elevator to the barricaded bar·ri·cade n. 1. A structure set up across a route of access to obstruct the passage of an enemy. 2. Something that serves as an obstacle; a barrier. See Synonyms at bulwark. tr.v. auditorium on April 20. As a member of the football team, knew teammate Matt Kechter, who was killed during the shootings. DEVON ADAMS 17, junior Friends with Dylan Klebold. Also knew Eric Harris Eric Harris may refer to:
ANDREW FRASER 18, senior Was able to exit the school through the doors next to the library, which had been destroyed by gunshots and bombs. Part of a men's singing group at school, and enjoys snowboarding snowboarding: see under skiing. snowboarding Sport of sliding downhill over snow on a snowboard, a wide ski ridden in a surfing position. Derived from surfing and influenced also by skateboarding as well as skiing, snowboarding began to burgeon and mountain climbing mountain climbing, the practice of climbing to elevated points for sport, pleasure, or research. Also called mountaineering, it is practiced throughout the world. Types There are three types of mountain climbing. . SUNNY DOTY 17, senior Described herself as a Goth well before shootings occurred, but was not at Columbine that day. Involved with drama at school, and plays Christian-rock guitar. |
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