"HI DOC" Clive greeted me. [...].

"HI DOC" Clive greeted me.

"You're a sight for sore eyes!" "Morning, what can we do you for you today?" "Sore eyes".

Clive is like that sometimes; actually he is like that most times. He was complaining that the receptionists had asked him to see me when all he really needed was his hay fever eye drops. Hay fever affects both eyes, but only one of Clive's eyes had been affected. The story he gave was one of waking up with a sore left eye. His vision was not impaired significantly. The eye was watery and red. A good sign was that his pupil reacted to light. Conjunctivitis, the commonest cause of these symptoms, usually affects the whole of the white of the eye rather than just part of it, so I needed a closer look. It was at this point I learned Clive had spent the previous day trying to remove artex from his ceiling with various kitchen utensils and an electric sanding machine. I had a much closer look.

Adding an orange dye to the eye reveals much more detail. This showed a scratch on the surface of the eye with a piece of grit still stuck in it, a corneal abrasion.

The abrasion was some distance from the iris so it was safe to try and remove the grit. Using anaesthetic drops allowed me to lift the piece of ceiling from the cornea. I had to make sure that Clive knew the importance of keeping still. This safely done I gave him antibiotic drops to prevent any infection until the cornea fully healed, and an eye patch to use until the anaesthetic wore off. I declined to provide him with crutches, a parrot and a trusty ship to take him to Jamaica, as these are not available on the NHS and while they do add impact to an eye patch they do not speed healing in any way. Two days later Clive's wife came to see me for a regular check-up. We had an interesting consultation; apparently Clive's brother had fallen off a step ladder attacking the same ceiling. He is not my patient, for which I am grateful. She would like to document a few key pieces of advice: The eye protection goggles are only effective if you wear them.

A fish slice is not an effective tool for scraping ceilings.

Tying a dog to the stepladder may well prevent him from getting in the paint but if he becomes determined to leave the room this can create problems for the person standing on the steps. I am not an expert in DIY, cookery or animal behaviour but this looks like good advice to me. Thanks to "Clive" and his family for letting me stick this in the paper. It's a privilege and a nightmare looking after you.